Executive coaching, skills development, training and consulting in high stakes communication

Click here for the link to the HPLive/HPCareer.net webex for my new book “The Nimble Negotiator: Beat Negotiation at its Own Game”.  Learn to be present rather than flee or hide; to engage rather than react; to listen and seek clarity rather than simply confront.  Please share your feed back!

Had a ball moderating the panel at the premiere of ‘Girl Rising” in Nevada City.  A must-see film. eye-opening-smart, clever and funny.

Juliet is scheduled as a guest presenter for the Women President’s Organization. See there website for more details.

The need to get better at asking for what you want often appears when you are facing an extreme situation of some kind.

Perhaps you are running the risk of losing a key client or relationship; or you need to keep on top form while your business is on a winning streak. It may be a work situation where you may be on the brink of promotion or perhaps have failed to secure the job you want. It can also be a personal situation that has you at the end of your tether.

There are three tips you can learn and start applying right now that will have the biggest impact on your success at asking for and getting what you want. They simply involve getting your head around how you ask.

So, get your head around how you go from:

‘Could’ to ‘Would’

‘Why can’t I?’ to ‘I Want’

‘I Wish’ to ‘I Intend’

‘Could’ to ‘Would’

‘I don’t think we have talked about this enough’

Becomes

‘Would you schedule a meeting so we can talk about this in detail?’

‘Sorry, I don’t think this is going to work’

Becomes

‘I have considered the idea and I am not interested in pursuing it’

‘Could you get this done tomorrow?’

Becomes

‘Would you finish this by 5pm tomorrow?’

 

‘Why can’t I?’ to ‘I Want’

‘Why can’t I get a promotion?”

Becomes

‘I want to be doing a job I love’

‘Why can’t I get more money?’

Becomes

‘I want to be fairly remunerated for my contribution’

‘Why am I so stressed all the time?’

Becomes

‘I want time to enjoy life more’

‘I Wish’ to ‘I Intend’

I intend to attract what I want and stop thinking about what I don’t want

I intend to feel confident and strong, communicating my ideas to others

I intend to attract stimulating and worthwhile projects that satisfy my desire to be productive and creative

I intend to build authentic relationships with those around me

 

I want you to think about asking for something in a way perhaps you haven’t before.  Yes, asking is definitely about questions –the words you use and your skill around the science of questions, how you ask and types of questions.

Asking and GETTING is another matter. Success involves intention.  Asking with the right amount of intention gets you better answers and improves your chances of success.  I have met people who desire or wish for outcomes and do not feel like they deserve to have them.  All the asking in the world won’t help them if they don’t feel like they deserve what they ask for.

Negotiation experts will tell you that often the best negotiators are those with the strongest intention. I have witnessed it for years of working with individuals and teams in high stakes situations.  (I can tell almost from the first few moments of meeting them whether they have a good chance of winning) Their intention is strong because they have prepared well, know not only what they can give, but also what they can GET.

Here’s the rub; you must balance what you ask for, with letting it actually happen (feeling like you deserve it).

When you ask for what you want, clearly and confidently, and it is aligned with your intention is to allow it to happen (no blocks or doubts) is when asking takes on it’s real magic for you.

Here’s a good way to check and see if you are good at the basics of business conversation. In my experience, the people who are best at it tend to:

  • Speak often and briefly (usually 15-30 seconds)
  • Ask more types of questions than others (not too many open questions that end up going nowhere fast and not too many closed questions that feel like an interrogation)
  • Make fewer solution statements early in a conversation/discussion
  • Headline their points in a sentence or two (this makes it easier to go away and repeat them to others)
  • Summarize often (aids in checking for understanding)
  • Invites others to share their views (and means it)
  • Unless passing on decisions, interjects views after others have had a chance to speak
  • Actively omit too much ‘you know’ and ‘uh’,   not speak too rapidly or forcefully
  • Simplify and emphasize
  • Even the Saints among us don’t converse this well all the time.

Try on one or two of these techniques for size in your next conversation and the rest will follow more easily.

I have just had the pleasure of speaking at the annual USC Women’s Conference. Kudos to the organizers – nearly a thousand people turned up and experienced a seamless, professional, thoughtful and exciting day. It is difficult to determine what recipe makes certain conferences magic and others ordinary. One thing for sure, USC got the blend right, worked very hard and knocked it out of the park. A extraordinary mix of small touches on a grand scale. If you are in Los Angeles Q1 of next year, it is worth getting your ticket.

We ‘live in interesting times’. There is some doubt of the origin of this so-called Chinese curse, but there is no doubt that we do indeed, live in interesting times. Many of my clients this year have faced life-changing circumstances, made difficult decisions and suffered from big economic and social surprises. Not all of it tough – most of it necessary.

The good news: It is the end of the beginning. In my view, 2012 will be an excellent year for those who realize they can no longer ‘kick the can down the road’. Delaying making hard choices in the hopes that something will turn-up and rescue the situation changes won’t work. People who commit to the right kind of change (personally and professionally) and then deliver on it – they will be the new rock-stars.

This is a quote from Alexandra Franzen’s website. I think it captures the spirit of the times:

It may be when we no
longer know what to do,
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer
know which way to go,
we have begun our real journey.

~ Wendell Berry

Join me for an informative look at how confrontation is a friend in disguise!

One thing that has troubled me greatly over the years is seeing wonderful people trapped in situations they are not happy with, because the prospect of confrontation seems more painful than the situations themselves.

There are too many intelligent, talented people whose fear of what ‘someone might say’ or the possibility of a reaction they can’t handle has kept them from doing something they would really like to do.

Are you one of those who think you know how the confrontation situation will end up: you play it through in your mind and imagine every problem and even the other person’s response?

Any of these sound familiar?

  • ‘I don’t like confrontation because usually it has not gone well in the past’
  • ‘I’m concerned that if I confront the problem I might just escalate it’
  • ‘I might be rejected or destroy the friendship’
  • ‘I might get surprises I’m not ready for’
  • ‘They might fight back’
  • ‘Maybe I don’t want to know the truth’
  • ‘They might get emotional’
  • ‘I might hurt their feelings’

Be comforted with the knowledge that, if handled sensitively, confrontation can be both a positive and a rewarding experience!

Stop worrying and use some of the techniques I’ll talk about in the course. You will be in a better position to orchestrate the ending!

Watch the recording and find out:

  • The Four main confrontation Styles – Understand your own style and the style of the person you are dealing with and techniques for confronting then with greater ease.
  • Approaches for confronting: people you care about, and people you need.
  • Learn how to start saying NO comfortably and confidently.

Come to the session with something in mind that you would like to confront and walk away with tips and techniques you can try immediately.

Confrontation, in all its forms is part of the rhythm of everyday life. Learn to recognize it for what it is and respond appropriately. It is a friend in disguise!

Free instant download:

A technique to improve how you read speeches word-for-wordread more

The way you respond to someone who is mean to you is an important part of how well or badly things work out.  I’d say most situations where you are confronted there is opportunity to seek to understand – for an upside, or to learn something about yourself or someone else.  However, there are those times when the other person is just plain mischievous, mean or unfair.   Here are some ways you can respond that may help you deal with it.

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